Emotional Autopsy: Communicating How You Feel
Continuing to dig down into feelings, last time I wrote about what actions feelings try to get us to do. Today I want to write about how to best understand how to communicate feelings and the actions they elicit.
As a Master Neuro-linguistic Practitioner for several years, I’ve learned words and their meanings are tremendously important, especially when mixed with feelings! The wrong words used at the wrong time infused with feelings can prove to be explosive and disrupt, injure, and at times destroy. Last time I suggested to take a moment when you “Feel” something and recognize what it is that you are feeling, what that feeling is trying to tell you, and consider what action that feeling is trying to get you to take. Now I would like to suggest that you take the next step to identify what and how to communicate your feelings to others.
Feelings have meaning to us and that meaning manipulates our mood, body language, mindset, and even how we hear how others respond to us. We all have an internal dictionary that we use to make sense of everything. This internal dictionary is the filter through which we run everything in order to make sense of our emotions, thoughts, and interactions with others. The problem is we all have an internal dictionary, and everyone’s definitions are NOT the same.
We code words internally with the definition that makes sense to us. Yes, we all have an understanding of what words mean but what I am talking about is the memories, feelings, situations, etc., that we attach to different words. A single word can produce a spectrum of feelings when it is heard in different circumstances. For example, if you and a close friend are joking around and you say something incorrect, your friend might make the statement that “You’re stupid” and you both laugh at the mistake. Your internal definition in that situation carries with it a levity that induces joy. If you have a past trauma with the word (i.e. your father called you stupid and made you feel badly about things as a child), your internal definition would be very negative if someone said “you’re stupid” in front of your coworkers or classmates. This situation would carry with it the feelings of past negative circumstances.
When we find ourselves having strong feelings regardless of if they are positive or negative feelings, we should take a breath and decide where those feelings are coming from? What are they telling us? What are they trying to get us to do? And additionally, are they being manipulated by our past experiences in a way that will hinder our ability to communicate with others?
Chat Soon,